Friday, May 1, 2015

Zen and the art of Compartmentalization

After 15 months of devoting every waking (and sleeping moment) to my son, I go back to work Monday; I go back to my "other life", back to attempting to balance my career and my family. I won't lie this terrifies me, as I don't know if I fit into that "other" world anymore. So bare with me  will you, as I delve into a cliché  "who am I" Zoolander moment.

You see I am a lot of people: I am a Mother ( a damn good one I might add) to a rambunxious 3 year old and an angelic hypotonic 1 year old who has different needs. But I am also a wife, a director of environmental affairs and an MBA candidate (on hold for the moment). Oh and in my "spare time" I am also a sister, a daughter, a friend and a rock climber. In addition to these more generic titles, I have also been the outgoing smiley one and the type A Nerd (with a capital N). I have had my heart broken (the "I will never love again" kind of heartbreak) and I have broken hearts. I have held my children and laughed till my cheeks burn and I have cried till my heart aches. I have been vulnerable and scared and I have been ambitious and strong.

So I ask again "who am I".... This is not a rhetorical question,  seriously, "who am I" and how for the life of me do I reconcile  all these different facets of myself? Anyone?  Well according to Google, to reconcile oneself means to " make compatible, harmonious or consistent". If only it were so simple Google, if only it were so simple...

 So as I return to "other world", I will have to navigate these muddy waters carefully; lining up the little versions of myself, like little Russian nesting dolls, fitting the little ones (sister, daughter, rock climber, friend) into the bigger ones (director, wife and mother): practicing what I will call "Zen and the art of compartmentalization".

You see Google, the beauty is that in the end we are all tucked harmoniously inside ourselves, existing simultaneously, each version making us  exactly into the person we are supposed to be.

My best advice is to be yourself. Unless you’re psychotic, then you might want to try a different tactic.”
Gwen Hayes, So Over You

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